Love

Last night I deeply hurt the person that means the most to me. Without restrain, or prior thiought - only reacting on my imagination did I create an embarrassment that now threatens the very dream that I am fortunate to be living. 

If you know me, you know I have a temper. I have a keen ability to create wonderful, descriptive, real stories. This same ability has me standing on a cliff with fate holding me by the collar, and my toes reaching for the firm ground.  

Love is not perfect. It is not easy. It is a constant lesson between two or more parties that must be protected and nurtured. I forgot that. In my most malevolent  moment of weakness, I forgot to protect and nurture what is dearest to me. 

I did not grow up without love. I was loved even after all the stupidity, the foolery, the misplacement. I was loved by amazing parents, grandparents and relatives both familial and not. But I did not learn some of the most valuable lessons of love. One I missed was patience. That one is enough to guide me through a self realization short filled with sorrow, ache, distress that I share with you, hopeful I can prevent this from happening to you.

How finally balanced love is, how off tune it can be. 

I sit alone because of my actions - actions that will hold a life sentence, whatever it may be.

I cannot change the damage I have done. I can not wave a wand and make things better. I am in limbo, until a time I cower and sulk, or prove to her that my love knows no bounds and that my hallow actions were but a great mess of stupidity, selfishness posing as someone who was caring.

I am sick with fear of the unknown.

I love you fannycakes.