My Dear Friend

Its been well overdue that I return to my pages and press and push on buttons and plow through tears pulling like a pest at my chest. This weekend is special to me. It's special for a lot of us. This weekend was to be an honoring to a friendship that blossomed, then thrived to become true love.

But

Instead it's a memorial to a soul that brightened the sunlight and brought smiles to the nightlife.

I want to run, I want to scream, I want to punch it in the face.

What ever 'it' is, I'm not sure but it doesn't matter.

I do laugh a lot. I laugh at rubbing our beards against each other's, nearly kissing, but it was cool, he didn't flinch... I think that's the part he liked about it.

I remember slamming heinekins in bathrooms, cheating on English tests, getting picked up in the monte carlo when 'ol danger had my car surrounded and the party keg in back. I remember warm embraces that turned me into canole filling. I remember what a cylanoid is now. I remember how to prep a car for paint. I remember what fat guys in Georgetown jerseys with white t-shirts and XXXL basketball shorts look like and how they make me chuckle. I remember.

I'm a better man now. No one besides my dad has singularly had that affect on me. Am I more serious? Yea. lately. Am I more driven? Yea. forever. Am I a bit lost now? No. James has my back. I just have to remember that last part and it's all good... but it's tough.

I'm 30, I know about faith, fairness, free-will, destiny - all of these 50/50 words. No middle ground... it's either this or that. Well, f that. I wish I could break the mold. Get a new clock, run on barrow'd time. Run against the wind. Hug my friend one more time... just for a minute.

I wish I was celebrating this weekend, but instead I'm writing, and not all that sure I want to share it, but something in me made me grab the keyboard and rip away at the letters, so I'm going to publish it. After all, it's a memory made, one more way to remember my friend and Sept. 17th, 2011.

I know it sounds bad, but the story goes on. I'm glad James got to meet my Melissa. I'm glad that Melissa and I now have Jenni. I'm forever grateful for the good times we had. We sure as hell did our fair share of celebrating, and showed a bunch of others how to do it right along the way.

We crammed 10 pounds of wonderful in a 5 pound bag and it's going to last a lifetime...

... a lifetime, haha, crazy. I love you James.